Lie To Me

It's funny how much things can change in the course of just a few months. You never think that things would change that much, and even when looking from point A to B you don't know how they got from one place to another. Still...it seems to make sense in some sort of twisted, messed up way. I can't say that I dislike where point B has landed me, but I can't say I particularly like it either. The truth is a messy thing and all too scary, but isn't life scary? I'm tired of running away from things and regretting it later. I'm tired of people running away from things too, or just being too cautious. We don't have time to be extremely cautious. There is no use in being afraid, because you can't get hurt if you never try. But the risk of getting hurt is what is so scary. I can't lie to myself anymore about that. Yet, I'm the one who's probably the most terrified and I'm trying the hardest right now.

I've got to start being more honest with myself. Just because I can't tell him everything doesn't mean I should hide those things from myself. Right? But at this point I don't even know what the whole truth is. Everyone has had their say in this and it just gets all jumbled up in my head. It's hard to tell the difference between my thoughts and the influence of others. I just want to be happy, but nobody will let me do that. Not even myself.