Why do I do all this waiting then?

I feel so numb. Everything is numb. This doesn't hurt anymore. I don't know what it is anymore. Maybe sometimes, you just run out of tears. Or maybe, just maybe, you're becoming a little stronger on the way. But then why do I revert back to the old days when I get this low?

I'm not waiting on him. I do want to know where things went wrong. But I've asked him. He either doesn't have the answer or is afraid he'll hurt me. Either way, I'd opt for the second as long as I could have an answer. Silly me though. Silly, silly me to think that he'd even want to give me an answer. I know, don't mope Shelby. Feeling bad for yourself does nothing. But if he cared, he would have actually tried all these times. You know?

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone, yet not. I don't know if I've actually made any friends on my own here. And that scares me. It makes me sick actually. I physically am dizzy and nauseated. But then growing up wouldn't be growing up if it wasn't difficult. Isn't that right?

There's so many things stopping me from being who I am and doing what I need to do. I can't let those stop me. I can't.

I can't. That's just what's stopping me in the first place...

--

Why in the night sky are the lights hung?
Why is the earth moving round the sun?
Floating in the vacuum with no purpose, not a one
Why in the night sky are the lights on?

Why is life made only for to end?
Why do I do all this waiting then?
Why this frightened part of me that's fated to pretend?
Why is life made only for to end?

In the city only for a while
Here to face the fortune and the bile
I heard you on the radio, I couldn't help but smile
In the city only for a while