My Beautiful Rescue

Almost five months I went. Five months. I was doing fine and then I started up again. I just don't get what it is. It's like I'm incapable of stopping myself. I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't know what it is, but I feel so alone here. Sure, I have friends, but I just feel so alone. I don't know what to do about it either. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm just so stressed out. My sleeping patter is so fucked up. I don't even know if I want to go home for the holidays. I do. I really want to see my family and my real friends...not that the ones here aren't real friends. It's just different. I can't explain it.

Somebody help me. Please. I don't know what to do. And it's all me. It's never been anyone else's fault.