You know, I thought things were going really well for once. I thought I had met someone who was going to be good for me and be straight up with me about how they felt...not feed me some bull shit excuses. I am usually pretty good at determining whether someone will be good for me or not. I thought that this time it was something real and that I knew I could trust him and believe everything he said.
But when you sit there and try to tell me that you really like me but you don't want to be with me or waste my time, that's when I get really pissed off. I am slightly upset, yes. If I wasn't then there would be something wrong with me. I wanted this to go well. I thought things would go well. But I would rather have someone tell me that they don't want to be with me because they aren't ready for that than someone tell me that they really like me, but they can't be with me for some reason or another. I don't care if you really like me. Don't say that. Just tell me you can't be with me. End of story. You won't hurt my feelings. You'll just piss me off if you tell me "I like you, but..." There is always a but and that word just gets under my skin.
I saw it coming. I knew what was going to be said the moment I saw the uncertainty and lies on his face when he told me he was fine after I had asked if he was okay or not. I'm just glad I did not actually reveal the way I really felt before he decided that the best thing for him right now was not me.
I am just tired of putting everything into something and then getting nothing out of it. I am sick of feeling like I am on sturdy ground and then having everything I know and seemingly understand ripped right out from under me. I just wish that people could be straight forward like I am and not assume things of me. I never asked anything more of him than what we had. I never expected anything more of him than what he was giving. I just wish he understood that it does hurt my feelings, but not in the way he may think. It does not hurt my feelings that he does not want to be with me. I completely understand how he feels. Wrong time, wrong place. But that does not change the fact that he led me on.
I realize things can change. You feel one way for a moment and the next you may not even feel anything. I understand that more than anyone really. I get that your feelings can change from day to day. But if there is any sense of uncertainty, you cannot deceive people and deny them the right of knowing what they are really getting into.
I just wish people could think the way I do. I just want someone to understand how my brain functions and give me the chance I give everyone else for once.
Who is this stranger?
I should be scared
Could be dangerous
I should prepare for this
I wish I didn't fall so hard for you
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