One of the many things I always think about in life are the mistakes that I've made. I always say "There's only one thing I consider a mistake and that I regret doing in my life." But thinking about it, every time I say that it's a different "one thing". There's tons of things I regret doing and tons of things that hold me back from being more adventurous or bold. Certain things have brought me to mull over quite a few of these "one thing"'s. I mean...it's not my mistakes that remind me of my past mistakes, it's others mistakes that do it for me.
I'm not proud of a lot of what I've done, but that's not to say I haven't learned from it. Fear is a direct result of what I've put myself through. Yes, I blame myself for what happened because it was completely and entirely my doing. I let it happen. If I had been smarter or just thought about what I was doing, maybe some of the things I've done wouldn't have happened.
But every time that thought runs through my mind I think "Shelby, it's the past now. Let it be. The past cannot be changed for a reason." So we live and we learn. That's just how things go. Maybe I'm supposed to have done those things. Maybe, if there is one out there, God had it all planned out for me. I don't think everything is by choice or coincidence. Some things in life are meant to happen. They happen to test our strength and see what we can handle. Although some of it has made me weaker, made me shut myself off from the world. But no matter what, I don't regret what happened. Nothing I've done has affected me negatively...not in the long run at least. And I believe that someday I'll benefit from it all somehow...someday.
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