"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
I'm not going to lie. It hurt. It hurt a lot. When he lied to me I didn't want to believe he'd do that. I didn't want to believe anything. I know that I like him way too much and I don't want to get into that again..but I fear I may have already.
I don't know what I want in life. And I think that bothers me. I want to run away from here and do something completely reckless. I want to live my life and I feel like I'm not doing that. I can't even explain it completely...it's difficult.
I thought I was getting over the whole lying incident...I forgave him. And he knows that. I thought we were on good terms and then, without thinking about it, I held his hand today and...let's just say I didn't get the response I would have liked.
He told me that he can't help but put up those walls, and I can't either. But there's more to it than that. I know there is. There has to be. We don't put those walls up for nothing. I would know that just as well as any other person.
I want something new. I want to run away. Get away from all of this. It's stupid, but I need other things, other people. I wish someone would just wisk me away to the west coast. I sort of just want to get lost for a while in the uproar of life and just...live.
I'm not running away. I swear. It's not running away....what did someone say to me recently?
Ah...it's not running away. It's running to. Exactly.
When will I find someone who's worth sticking around for?
Who's going to break down my walls? Who's going to find the real me...who?
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