Where have I been lately? I don't know anyone anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm a zombie, brainlessly walking around in a numb, hypnotic state. Robot is more like it. Get up, go to school, nap, rehearsal, sleep, repeat.
It's weird. I dunno. I just feel like I'm missing something. I know I say that a lot, but I do. There's just something that's not there in my life that I want. I need. I think I know what it is, but I'm scared to admit that. I'm scared of a lot of things lately.
It's funny, you know...the things you never get over. It's like they get inside of you and dig their roots in so deep that it won't ever leave. It's a virus...a disease, this thing.
I'm in the mood for poetry.
--
He's a disease and he's spreading quickly throughout the lands.
His thick, rough tendrils softly caress my hands, my face,
But his intentions are not entirely true to what he says.
He gets deeper under my skin and I cannot stop him.
I'm unwilling and fragile, as he sucks the life from me.
I grow weaker by the day from this blood sucking parasite.
I'm falling faster and faster, flying towards Wonderland,
Tripping out on a drug that's internal, entirely my own.
I'm reaching out, straining to grasp on to anything but him.
I can't decipher what's right from wrong, or real from imaginary.
All I see is him and he's clouding my judgetment.
Spinning round and round in denial, I'm freaking out
He's got ahold of me, my heart's in a strangle hold.
Since when can a mere child inflict such feelings upon me?
A baby, a child has set him upon me, causing this suffocation.
And yet it is my own fault, is it not, that I find myself here?
I've brought him into my life and fled to his land of powerful sins
He gets joy out of my suffering, yet he feels nothing in the end.
Oh dear Lust, leave me be, let me go.
You're feelings are not wanted here.
--
You remind me of all of my past mistakes.
You take away all of my pain.
You help me through my bad days.
You come running through the rain.
You feed off of my addiction.
You fuel my want for everything.
You increase the heat, the friction.
You always know where I'm hiding.
You use me, break me.
I love you, I hate you.
You abuse me, berate me.
I need you, I crave you.
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