Sometimes I question why I keep the people I have in my life around. They tear me down and make me feel terrible about myself without intentionally doing so, and I just have to take a step back and think "what the fuck am I doing here?" Why do I put myself through this? Seriously...
I mean I know everybody tells you that you cannot become who you are without going through some sort of pain and seeing people come and go. Nonetheless, why do I continue to torture myself by craving the attention from those who do not even give the slightest shit about me. It is hard to speak eloquently when you are angry, but I attempt to do so anyway because it makes me feel as though it is easier to relate to. It is also frowned upon to be unladylike. Speaking in such ways is unacceptable, but I do so anyway. However, I find that choosing my words carefully leads to angry words coming out in the most beautiful of ways at times. It's hard to speak beautifully when all you really want to do is curse and say horrid things sometimes.
I digress. Sure, I would love to say some choice words to and about these people, yet I hesitate when it comes down to it. As miserable as they make me at times, I still love them unconditionally. I do not know how it happened, but I fell in love with these people. I do not wish to be with them in a romantic way, but I need them some days. There are days when we are at each other's throats and I would like nothing more to just rip them to pieces. Still, I need them. It's confusing when a person can make you feel so miserable, yet so happy at the same time. And there's many of them at that.
Some days I just want to curl up in my bed and never come out. They pull me from the dark abyss that comforts me and they force me out into the bright light...for my own good. They poke and prod and hurt me, but it's all for the good in the end. I hate them. I love them.
In the end, the love overpowers my hatred and I need them. They save me from myself. I can't do it without them.
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