I find that I only really post on here when I am sad. These blogs are milestones in my relationships, romantic or not. At this moment, I cannot decide if I am happy or sad.
I have realized I hate waiting. Often I wish that if I am not able to stop something from happening, that it would just happen. Now better than later. Dealing with being hurt is better than waiting to be hurt. Especially when you know it is coming so soon.
Everyone keeps asking me if I am okay. Constantly. I am so tired of being asked that question. Clearly, I am not okay. You would not be asking if you did not know that. But I will be. I just need to get through it and deal with it myself.
And I will deal with it. But I would like to do so at my own accord and on my own. I have never let anyone in like this before and I am struggling to deal with the consequences. I do not know how to, but I need to learn from it...not be told that it will all be okay and that I am strong and I will get through it. I need to learn that on my own.
This is something that is so personal to me and breaking me down so completely that I do not want to share it with anyone. My pain is my own and I do not like people to worry. I knew what I was getting into when this all started. I am a big girl. It sucks, but I will live.
Love sucks. Then again, we would not do it if it was not worth it. That is the unfortunate thing about it though. So many of us spend years of our lives looking for love and when it is taken away after we have found it, we are torn apart.
It is all relative. Losing someone is always going to hurt. Everyone knows that. We all deal with it in our own ways and I would just like to be left alone to deal with it on my own, even if I do not have to.
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