Oy. That last post really hurt to read. Not only did it make absolutely no sense, but it made me realize that coming home from the bar and getting on the computer is bad. Someone stop me next time. I've been blogging a lot lately. Good and bad feelings, but a lot of them. Not all coherent, obviously.
I had a weird feeling today. I think I'm bored. I had a lot of fun this weekend, but it stirred up a lot of repressed emotions in relation to my social life. I'm by no means bored in my relationship. Sometimes I'm a little unsure about it all, but that's just my insecurities coming out. Working on that. Don't know if anyone ever told you, but it's really hard to let someone love you if you aren't loving yourself.
Anyway, bored. I'm bored. My routine just never changes. I feel like I'm stuck in this town. It's going on six years and that blows my mind. Part of me feels like I'll never leave and that terrifies me.
I'm so glad I have trips to Texas and South Dakota this year. I need to get out of Michigan. I'm feeling so weird about life. I feel restless, but being away from home too long drains every last bit of my energy. Ack. I wish I could just be that ever ready energizer bunny that just goes and goes and goes, but I become exhausted after being around lots of people for a few hours.
When did that happen to me? I know that I used to get exhausted, socially; but I never used to tire this quickly. Hopefully these trips will be good for me. I think I just need some change. These trips definitely will put me out of my comfort zone...but in a good way. I don't wanna pull that, "New year, new me" crap, but I really need to take the reigns.
I'm trying to be more positive. And sometimes it comes out incredibly bitchy when I encourage my friends to be positive. I'm just tired of all the negative energy from everyone. Can't handle my own, so definitely don't want to deal with everybody else's.
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