when you say you won't forget me, I can tell you that's not true

It's weird seeing issues within other's relationships. I realize when I look back that I went to xxxxx because I needed comfort. Mentally, more than physically. That will never go away. I can't take back who I was. I can't take back who I am. I understand now that I didn't stop hurting myself because of me, but for you. Ever since I met you, it's been all about you. You made me who I am today. You made me love myself. But feeling so much for one person has made me realize my limit.

Ever since I experienced someone else's psyche and realized that there are others that may have more afflictions than I do, I'm incapable of feeling remorse about the wrongs that were done against me...and us. xxxxx made me realize I am not capable of handling pain if it is not connected to me or someone I love. All that time pushing away the pain and becoming accustomed to being numb did not prepare me for when I would break. I wish for nothing more than to feel nothing. But that won't happen....

Sometimes I want to be "free." Free of the pain I've been dealt. Free of everyone's expectations of me. Free of everything. I wish it was as easy to do what I love and not give a shit what other people think, but being in a professional field and loving the things and people I do, you can't be so hasty. I have to care. It's not as easy as you would think...