Wednesday, April 24, 2013

one day we'll be old

So here I sit, still all by my lonesome, feeling like a complete and total loser. And to some extent, I will admit I feel as though the ironic parent hating, angry at the world teenager is coming out in me. Not to say I hate my parents or I’m angry at the world…and for god’s sake I’m almost not a teenager. (Don’t even get me started on how much THAT freaks me out). 
Anyway, I digress. Here I sit, listening to dirty British punk bands, nodding my head to their seemingly meaningless, “soulful” music and I’m loving it. Just picture it: that stereotypical scene in a movie where a fifteen year old girl wearing way too much eyeliner is sitting in her dark room blogging about how much she hates her life and how much she wants to meet these bands and how their lyrics mean so much to her and all this and all that and blah blah blah.
Yeah. It’s one of those nights. I was like that when I was fifteen- always listening to music and complaining about how much I hated where I was and what I was doing with my life. And here I am four years later doing almost the same exact thing…except I’m four years older and I’ve got more than a few experiences under my belt I’d rather just not talk about.
I’d like to say my mistakes have gotten me somewhere and I’ve learned a thing or two, but I know that it’s nothing unless I take what I’ve learned and use it to my advantage. Sure, we can all pretend that sitting here on the internet blogging, searching through facebook for some ounce of meaning in our boring repetitive day to day lives, or even reminiscing about the past and the mistakes we’ve made will get us somewhere. It won’t though. It’s past the time where we need to sit and listen to that inner teenager that just wants to listen to crappy underground grunge bands and blame everyone else in the world for their problems.
It’s okay to listen to that little fifteen year old you that is rebelling against everything you do. But sometimes, you have to make the conscious decision to take the headphones out, close the laptop and take responsibility of yourself for once.

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