What if...

What if..that's all that is running through my head lately. What if? What if? What if? What the hell would happen if I did this? I'm honestly just aggravated. I'd rather just talking to half the people I know, and yet I cannot.

One, I'm tired of stupid drama. We're in high school for God's sake people. If you have something to say to me, say it to my face. I'm tired of hearing what you have to say to me from SOMEONE ELSE! It's annoying. What if I just turned around and bitched to people about you? How would you feel? Two, it is a big deal. I'm tired of feeling like things are my fault. I'm not always going to want to talk to you about things, so don't get mad at me when I don't want to talk. It's not my fault..if I'm upset I'll talk to you when I want to. Know that. Because if you don't, I'm not going to want to tell you anymore. Three, I can't help the way I feel. Don't criticize me. Don't hate me because things are going well for me. Don't hate me because you 'liked him first'. I can't help who I like, and this whole thing is hurting my feelings.


Also...what if I thought I could change him? People keep telling me that I can't change him. 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks.' Yeah...so what if people think that he won't change? What if I think he can? What if it's different? Maybe I'm just dreaming big. I'm tired of dreaming. I want to do something about it. But I fear my own actions. I fear my thoughts. They are such basic things, yet I cannot do them.

--
work in progress?

Drown me in all of these choices
Hear the light coming from inside
Color these voices echoing the air
Feel the night all around and within

Silence pours over me
Sunlight shimmers across the sea
The crystals glittering off the water
It's just beyond my fingertips

Shadows surround me constantly
Night's eyes are watching me
The light's a far off glimmer
Darkness comes once more
And I'm left alone again