Loves Me Not

Relationship. I've come to find that I loath this word. And I don't really know what this word means to me. There are lots of different kinds of relationships, but it all comes down to one type with me. Complicated.

A relationship is defined in many ways. One of the more common ones: A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other. But I think it's so much more than that. A relationship is not just a connection between those of a family. And it's not just having to deal with someone. It goes deeper. A relationship is learning to trust someone, but in turn, learning to trust yourself. It's about letting yourself be with someone, both in friendship and in love. It's about accepting someone for who they are, even with their faults. All I ever see nowadays is infatuation, which can turn into love, but I don't want infatuation. It ends in hurt. In high school love is not a term I use lightly, but it seems to get tossed around like a hot potato. And it's meaningless.

Relationships are so much more than people make them out to be. Others always want them to be simple, and just let them happen, but it just doesn't happen that way. And maybe I'm just not the kind of person that puts themselves out at risk, but I just don't want to let it happen. I can't pretend to trust someone or love them when I don't. And friendship comes along in there too. Listening to friends opinions doesn't matter. I've learned that mine is the only one that matters when it comes to relationships. I need to learn my own lessons, on my own. I don't need to have others learn lessons for me.

Relationships aren't the easiest things in the world, and I'll admit I'm not perfect at them. But I am willing to wait to find the person who's just as imperfect as me and we can help each other through each step. So much of what relationships are at my age are just so overrated. And they shouldn't have to be, but no matter what happens, there's always someone out there. But as of now, my 'he', loves me not...