Her pulse rushes as a finger runs lightly over her cheek. The color floods into her face and she has to look away, hoping he won't notice the true feelings that she has for him. She wants to believe the look on his face is the way he truly feels, but she knows she'd just be lying to herself if she thought that. A hand pulls her eyes back to his and he smiles sweetly at her. Her heart gives another quick jump into her throat and starts fluttering even faster than before. His eyes tell her not to look away, but her heart cannot bear the lies that their acting is putting into her delicate mind. He pushes back her hair and lays a hand upon her cheek. His eyes darken and their faces are mere inches from each other. He's so close she can feel his warm breath caressing her face. Eyes shut, she lets what is happening, happen. Just before their lips finally touch, scene is called. A defeated sigh and a frown and it's all over. They're back to reality and he does not love her back.
Why is it that every time I'm near him or even think about him, my heart hurts? I hate this. I've got so much emotion and feeling for one person and it doesn't get returned. It's irritating...mostly because I don't know what to do with myself. But whatever. Does it even really matter? No. It doesn't.
But that doesn't mean the feelings I have for him will just disappear. Sometimes I hate being human. The human emotions are so strong and prevalent that it can be almost sickening sometimes. When I'm angry, it can often make me sick. When I'm hurt, it makes me sick. When I yearn, it makes me sick.
But on the opposite side, it makes me feel amazing. It's what makes me feel alive; it helps me know I'm alive and that my heart is still beating. I think, despite most of us not liking human emotions most of the time, that we live off of emotion. We, as humans, strive off of love, hate, malice, jealousy, want, happiness. It's what fuels us. In a way that just aggravates me because I don't want to have to feel those things. I don't want to feel love, no matter what degree it comes in. I'm too young. I don't want to get hurt, and loving someone is increasing the chance of getting hurt.
I kind of wish that people were still old fashion too. Like...I was watching Dirty Dancing the other day and I will forever and always be in love with that movie. I'm not sure what it is about it. Maybe it's the love story, or the dancing, or maybe it's how passionate the two of them are about each other. Either way, it idolizes what I want most in a relationship...I mean. Not all of it, but you get the point. I just want something romantic, and most males just aren't like that anymore.
-sigh-
Where's Romeo when you need him?
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