These Thoughts of Ours

There's a reason for everything...right? There's got to be. Why do we think what we think? Why do we know what we know? Why do we do what we do? There's got to be some reason for these things. Perhaps not. I'm sure someone has an answer to this question, but I do not, so I'm stuck here wrapped up in my own thoughts for the time being.

Remembering sucks. Did you know that? Well if you don't, now you do. I hate remembering things; good and bad. Good makes me miss things and bad just pisses me off. I hate it. I don't understand things half the time and I think that's half of what pisses me off so much. I hate not being able to understand. It frustrates me. I've always been the type of person that pushes until she reaches what she wants. And sometimes, that's not always the best thing to do. I hate myself for that too.

I want to understand myself. But I don't. I think that's half of why I keep this blog. Psychiatrists say that keeping a journal helps you understand yourself better. Maybe that's why I have this blog still, even though it has gotten me into so much damn trouble. Oh well. It's here for my own well being and if people can't understand that, then...oh well. Cause I don't either.

Time to help me follow my thought process. What do I hate? What do I love?

I hate myself; winter; hypocrisy; lying; people who act like something they aren't; lack of common sense; pickles; people who don't tell me how they really feel; how distant I'm getting from my friends; the reason I'm getting distant from my friends; people who find joy in spreading rumors; writing essays; school; people who can't make up their minds; rumors; people who gossip nonstop; jokes about things that aren't funny; pain; stereotypes; funerals; crying; noisy rooms; people who won't leave me alone when I want to be alone; being woken up from a nap; and headaches.

I love myself; hugs; naps; cuddling; my kitties; books; black nail polish; singing; writing; running in the rain; curling up in bed with a good book; warm beds in the winter; hot showers; vanilla body wash; classical piano music on rainy days; talking in British accents with my friends; autumn and summer; watching the sun set and rise; Lake Michigan; taking pictures; playing the piano; traveling; and my laptop.

So, it kinda looks like I hate a lot more than I love. But that's not true. Some of the things I hate are just longer than what I love. Hah. Not that I counted, but whatever. I'm so tired right now, that I have no idea where I'm even going with this. I mean..what's the point?

But what's the point of anything? There isn't. We just go on with our lives each day because we'd like to believe there's a point to everything. But there isn't. We are merely just here on earth to live out our lives and then die when it's time. There is no greater meaning to everything we do, none at all.

Bleh. I apologize. I've been in a rather pessimistic mood lately. I don't know how to make it go away, but I would very much like it to stop. I am simply incapable of being happy. I need something new. I need change. Or maybe I just need to get away.

Who knows. Thanksgiving break is coming up. And that marks the start of the new trimester. I can get away for a week or so...and then it's the start of something new. Maybe it'll be good. Who knows?

I definitely do not.